The Story of a Re-Invented Golf Widow

One of the great things about Golf and especially Womens golf is getting the chance to socialize with like-minded people from all walks of life. Whether its at the driving range - meeting people with friendly hints and tips or on the golf course with your regular foursome. I really enjoy the chance to chill-out and spend some time combining exercise, laughs, the game and the on the green story of the week.

A few weeks ago, one of our foursome who we will name Barb, finally gave up her story of how she got into golf. That may sound boring to you but Barb truly has a story worth sharing. The following is Barbs story and used kindly with her permission.

Setting the scene

Barb and Mike are both busy people, like the rest of us balancing family (two teenagers), work and life in general. Barb runs her own business from home and Mike is a high flying bank executive. Like a lot of us their marriage had had its ups and downs but things felt pretty solid overall. Their kids were starting to be at the age when Mom and Dad supplied the free taxi service but other parental guidance was unwelcome.

Mikes obsession begins

Barb and Mike had been married about fifteen years when Mike decided he needed to learn how to play golf for business networking and to reduce the risk of humiliation on corporate golf days.

Barb didnt give much thought to Mikes announcement on golf, there had been many new interests that had faded over the years - the garage was full of most of them. First, along came the endless how-to books followed shortly after by a cheap, value for money ($750) set of second-hand golf clubs.

While Barb worked most evenings to catch up on business, home and the kids activities, Mike on the other hand, spent almost every night obsessively watching the golf DVDs followed by the wild swinging of golf clubs in front of the TV set. This couple had established routines, a nightly catch-up of the days events; this soon became replaced with Mike engrossed in the golf books leaving Barb with the occasional grunt or the enlightening sorry, I didnt hear what you said?

Self assured that the golf clubs would soon be gathering dust in the Garage, Barb carried on with life as usual. The next stage for Mike was to take all his new found research and his great deal golf clubs to the local driving range in the evenings to start applying all these golf theories. Mike was really enjoying going out for a bash and while Barb appreciated his new found interest and the associated health benefits, she also started to feel a bit like she was flying solo.

Barb started to sense a change in Mike in the bedroom a level of interest that she certainly had not seen for a long time. Alas, it was not in Barb but in Mikes new books The Modern Fundamentals of Golf by Ben Hogan and The Swing Factory. Although, there is nothing like watching a middle-aged half-naked man leap out of bed and start swinging a golf club around to ignite the midnight passions, Barb had to make do with watching and ducking the practice swings.

Mike on the course

Mike finally got his chance to put his new found golf techniques to the test during their Corporate/Client Golf Day. Convinced that he was finally going to show up his colleagues after all this study and practice, he left the house in the morning with a new found swagger promising to share his prizes with the family upon his return.

Alas, what came home was a broken man. Apparently, theory, practice and studied technique had not leant itself to the improvement of Mikes on course game. The family rallied and tried to find ways to boost up their fallen hero. Barb was sympathetic and applied all her well practiced motivational techniques. Within half an hour, unfortunately, it had worked! The family three plus golfer then spent the evening going through a stroke by stroke, swing by swing replay of the days events.

Two days later when Barb called it quits for the evening and headed for bed, she was shocked to find a new piece of equipment had joined the bedroom furniture. Diving out of the way of a swinging club she found that Mike had brought the driving range home to the bedroom in the form of a practice mat complete with attached balls! Barbs confidence in the passing fad theory started to feel a little shaken.

Shaken became diminished when now not only evenings were spent at the driving range but weekends too. New DVDs appeared, downloaded golf articles swamped the computer and finally Mike announced that the family had a new member in the form of a Golf Coach reasonably priced of course. Mike now spent evenings and weekends at the driving range and his lunch times with his Golf Coach.

Now picture this, you run a business from home, your companions apart from the odd drop in visitor or business meeting, are the cat and the rabbit who either want feeding or cleaning. At the end of the day when your family come home, you go into Super Chick mode of gratifying gripes, trying to cook a dinner that suits over 50% of the family, nagging about homework, trying not to look like a dried out dish towel and counseling on the numerous major issues and broken friendships facing your teenagers. That is in-between answering phone calls and being responsive to business emails. In the evenings your teenagers are absorbed in some form of electronic communication and you spend your time ducking swings, tripping over golf clubs and trying to chill out watching tiger Woods or some other form of golf professional on TV.

Mikes second major chance to show his golf prowess finally comes around. The family not forgetting the last devastation, all rallies and cheers like a manic pep rally as their hero drives off to conquer the course. Once more, their fallen hero returns shocked, dismayed and completely lost as to why his driving range success cannot translate to fairways, greens and little round hole. Barb is now sure that Mike will return to her and that the golf clubs; books, DVDs, balls and practice mat will find their place amongst the other forgotten pursuits.

The next day Mike came home with an announcement, he had fired the Golf Coach and he had discovered why he wasnt doing well on the course it was his golf clubs. His new customized set would be arriving in three weeks, which would make all the difference to his game. During the next few months, the new golf clubs arrived which then required a new mallet putter, which then required a new fairway wood to complete the set, well apart from the hybrids, new golf bag, different golf shoes, cap, shirts and the list went on right through Mikes birthday, Fathers Day and Christmas. By this time most conversations eventually ended up discussing golf although Barb had never held a golf stick in her hand, she was pretty much able to describe the intricacies of the game, especially the swing.

After Christmas it came time to plan the familys yearly summer holiday, nearly everyone voted for the beach, however, Mike did not seem as keen as earlier years. In April, Mike announced that he might not be able to make the holiday as he was busy at work. By this time Barb had serious concerns about where not only the family were heading but were her and Mike were heading as a couple. The irony was now that the kids were growing up and more independent they had more free time, only Mikes was spent at golf and Barbs was spent on her own.

May came with a final holiday destination decision that after a successful year in her business, Barb would take the girls to Spice Island in the Caribbean. This would probably be the last true family holiday together, as Barbs eldest would also be off to College in the fall. Barb decided it was time to talk to Mike about how important the holiday was for the family and was delighted when he agreed to move around his commitments and come along.

The final straw

The first day of the family holiday was wonderful with everyone enjoying the Resort and the beach. However, on the second day Mike started to get fidgety and Barb wondered why? She got her answer when she saw Mike talking to the tour desk about the Golf that was available and like a true junky, where he could borrow some clubs. One day later Barb was on the beach on her own, the girls were off exploring together and her beloved Mike was yet again at the driving range.

Barb told us it was the absolute worst feeling being in such a beautiful place with the feeling that she was old news to the rest of her family. She knew she had to do something to try and turn things around. Now in all fairness to Mike, he had been asking Barb for sometime to join him on the golf range, it just hadnt appealed to Barb and her confidence of starting to learn a new sport at her age was pretty low.

Saving Barb and Mike

Barb decided that the first step to putting things straight was to get her and Mike to spend some time together. If that had to be at the driving range then thats how it would be. The next day at breakfast to Mikes surprise, Barb announced she was joining him. She described to us the complete reassurance she felt when she saw the smile on Mikes face. That day another great surprise happened in that Barb found that she actually enjoyed connecting with the little white ball and that her distance was pretty good for a complete novice to the game.

Over the next six months, Barb like Mike before her (although in a more controlled and less obsessed way) came to really enjoy learning the game and techniques for getting the little white ball much further than before. Barb described how things started to change in her life. Finally, she had found something that got her away from home/work and through attending golf workshops she met other women who played during the week. Through golf her social networks have grown and now Mike and Barb not only spend more time together but also spend more time socializing with their fellow golf buddies.

our conversation happened five years down the track and in that time Barb has become an excellent golfer and through her golf found a more balanced approach to life, home and her relationship. Barb still plans the summer getaways, but now its her who looks for places to stay where they can play golf and still enjoy their surrounds. Ironically, it is now Mike who tries to make sure they spend quality time together in-between Barbs work and golf commitments.

For the rest of us, this was an amazing insight into a lady we had been playing golf with for years without ever realizing how this talented golfer came to be.

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